


Baby Blues

by ScrotieMcBoogerBalls



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Childbirth, Collateral Angst, Depression, Drama, F/M, Family Drama, Fear, Infertility, Pregnancy, Puppies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 22:58:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20072011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScrotieMcBoogerBalls/pseuds/ScrotieMcBoogerBalls
Summary: Pidge and Shiro are trying to start a family, but something goes horribly wrong.





	Baby Blues

Pidge and Shiro got married when she was 18 and he was 28, but when they decided to try for babies it never worked. First the condom didn't break, next Pidge hadn't been off the pill long enough. Pidge announced three pregnancies to Shiro over the next year but the first time was a false positive on a test because the brand sucked, the second time it turned out the dog was pregnant when Pidge realized she HADN'T been the one to pee on the test, and the third time she just had gas.

Pidge's family tried to offer advice and comfort, her mom suggested new positions and Sam suggested drugs and Matt was sympathetic but didn't want to imagine his kid sister fucking.

"You're infertile, it's your fault," the doctor said when they went to visit, and Shiro burst into tears because right away it was obvious the doc meant him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The doctor explained in painstaking detail that the experiments the Galra had run on his new body plus the disease from the old one had basically broke his junk and his jizz was too weak to create babies. Shiro felt lost, broken, pathetic, useless, like half a man who was unworthy of a hot fertile specimen of chickhood like Pidge. When they went home he started packing his bags.

"I'll get the fuck out. You deserve a real man with a working dick who can sire kids, not a decrepit old shell." Pidge smacked him.

"Goddammit this isn't a fucking medieval farmhouse romance novel," she said. "Seriously, it's fucking stupid how people think their worth as humans is based on their ability to make more humans with their genitals. Besides, your dick works just fine giving me a million orgasms, now take your pants off so I can comfort you with my vagina." So they had lots and lots of sex. A week later the dog got knocked up again.

"The fuck?" Shiro said. Apparently some weird shit was going on where them fucking got the dog pregnant. And the puppies popped out within weeks and were bouncing off the walls. Seriously, way too many fucking puppies. BaeBae was birthing yet another litter when Pidge realized something.

"Maybe Kosmo needs to fuck BaeBae so we can have a kid."

Nine months after Kosmo dicked BaeBae, Pidge popped out twins without a struggle.

"So apparently someone swapped your junk with Kosmo's," the doctor told Shiro as Pidge nursed the babies. "Not sure who, but...well, sorry?" "You're lucky they don't sue your ass," Colleen said as the family went home the next day.

Meanwhile, an evil alien scientist miles away laughed evilly as he held the remotes he created for his contrived, no-sense-making experiment. He'd picked Pidge and Shiro because he knew those two fucked like rabbits.

"Soon, soon, the world will be filled with teleporting space puppies!"

"Sir, your whole plan makes no fucking sense and I question your sanity," said his assistant. The scientist threw a duck at him.

"SHUT UP! Now, sit and watch as I tapdance in this pool of Jello while wearing panties on my head!"


End file.
